Table of contents for

Asinine Advertising

by Herschell Gordon Lewis

SECTION ONE  The Ignoble Art of Online Messup
	1	The Sky Is Falling. Want Our Umbrella?
	2	Spam-Scams
	3	Hey, Fatso, You’re Too Skinny
SECTION TWO  0% Interest . . . On ANY Level
	4	Toto, We Aren’t in Kansas Anymore
	5	One-String Fiddle
	6	Free at Last? Not by a Long Shot!
SECTION THREE  The Ignoble Art of Customer Elimination Management
	7	There’s a Flaw in My Soup
	8	Software by Softheads
	9	I Dub Thee Sir (Sur) Charge!
	10	Everybody Wants to Get into the Act
	11	Technology Outstrips Psychology
	12	Bonfireof the Vanity
SECTION FOUR  The Nuthouse Is Open for Business
	13	Fried
	14	Speaking of Celebrities, Whatever Happened to Arnold Palmer?
	15	I Guarantee® That My¹ Guarantee® Is² Guaranteed® to Guarantee®
	16	In Love … with Whoever Answers the Phone
	17	Check and Double-Check
	18	Up to No Good
	19	Tower of Babel … No, Make That Babble
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